


burn out and slip away

by dayevsphil



Series: side b: masterpiece theatre (amnesia au timestamps) [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Introspection, M/M, Memory Loss, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21670846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dayevsphil/pseuds/dayevsphil
Summary: Dan navigates having a social media presence during the most turbulent time of his life. Amnesia AU timestamp.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: side b: masterpiece theatre (amnesia au timestamps) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559110
Comments: 12
Kudos: 116





	burn out and slip away

**Author's Note:**

> set during part two of amnesia au, which you can read [here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1449553) if you're not familiar with it! 
> 
> prompted by tortitabby <3
> 
> read and reblog on tumblr [here!](https://dayevsphil.tumblr.com/post/189471008803/burn-out-and-slip-away)

He does his best to avoid the comments. He knows that it’s going to be overwhelmingly positive and sympathetic no matter what he tweets or posts or rewatches, but Dan feels that same sense of prying eyes that haunted him for most of his life and it’s too much, letting anyone in when he’s still reeling from everything that’s happened since Phil woke up on the kitchen floor. 

It’s not all that strange for Dan to disappear from social media for weeks at a time, but he thinks that people are probably giving him a little more leeway than they usually would.

Phil has posted three videos, and Dan has been a disembodied voice in parts of all of them. He likes watching Phil work and heckling him, but he hadn’t really expected Phil to keep those bits in the final edit.

He doesn’t know what people are saying, because he isn’t looking. Phil doesn’t really know what people are saying, either, because he only checks YouTube itself. He’s been taking Dan seriously about not using other apps, which is a huge weight off Dan’s shoulders. Dan isn’t used to being the one better-equipped to handle things like their online personas, and he thinks that both of them avoiding Twitter and Instagram is for the best right now.

But Dan’s riding the high of Phil treating him to breakfast in bed and lazy smooches and competitive arcade games, so he posts a photo of Phil posing with the plushie he won from a claw machine. Normally he wouldn’t - not today, not when their audience is watching them so fucking closely - but he just. Wants to.

He turns off notifications for the post as soon as he tweets it, because this is more for him than it is for his fans. He doesn’t want to see the keysmashing and the well wishes right now, but he wants to _exist_ again.

So many years building up to this. Plans upon plans and long nights of existential dread, all so that Dan could post a photo showing his boyfriend off when they’re both deliriously happy.

They aren’t being explicit about it. They don’t need to be. This is already something that Dan never would have done a handful of years ago, something that Phil would never have asked for, and the people who need to know, know.

This anniversary was supposed to be different for a lot of really good reasons, and instead Dan is watching Phil’s eyes go wide at the sight of some idiot on a hoverboard and feeling his phone vibrate with the direct messages that he forgot to mute. Their fingers are brushing as they walk, but they’re not the type to hold hands in public. Not when it’s daylight in London and things for Phil are a lot scarier than they even are for Dan.

It’s still good. And Dan starts to get more comfortable with posting things every once in a while instead of hiding from the world, but he still tries not to look at the comments. Sometimes he caves, and he sees all the people reminiscing in his mentions and sending him their thoughts and prayers, and he sees the bad, too. There’s always a handful of people wondering when he’s going to start posting videos again or if he’s too broken to do so, but they’re still so much easier to swallow than the people who don’t believe the story. Conspiracy theories are abound, as always, and Dan is glad he’s holding the world at an arm’s distance.

He thinks about posting something. His creative process is off the fucking rails and might never return at this point, but that doesn’t mean he can’t vlog. Do an update. Something. Remind people he’s alive.

He doesn’t. There’s nothing he wants to say to the camera that won’t come out bitter.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to c&c as always and also to everybody keeping up with these timestamps!! i'm so happy that y'all like it and aren't asking me for less milk.


End file.
